With assignments due, posts needing posting, bible study prep book in my peripheral, the sound of children playing broom hockey in the kitchen and the iPad on some toddler, never ending, youtube kids channel, I attempt my first official blog post! Ok… You ready?! Ha… neither am I, but here we go!
Ever pray that super audacious prayer and then find yourself stumped at what in the world is happening in your life that it’s entirely out of whack?! Um. Me!
It started in 2015. It consisted of an entire mind, body, soul detox. It took me almost the full year to entirely recalibrate my life and be in position for change. Year 2016, I gave into the subtle yet resounding voice that pleaded I accept, “You were made for MORE!”
The way of MY life just wasn’t functioning and not only was I simply existing, I was dissatisfied.
Fast forward to what feels like just the other day. I prayed that “break my heart for what break’s yours” Oceans, Hillsong kind of prayer. But not THAT prayer. I prayed that prayer like a million years ago, and MY WORD did my heart break. No, not that prayer, but with the same oomph you pray a prayer like that. You know what I am talking about?
I prayed the prayer I mimicked from Lysa TerKeurst in her book “Made to Crave,” “Lord, Unsettle Me.”
I have some dear activists friends who have prayed the Ocean’s, Hillsong prayer and I have seen God do a number of uh-mazing things as a result of those broken heart movements. I am an activist today because of them. Again, I’ve prayed that prayer and attained my fair share.
Allow me to pull you close and whisper in your ear for a second. This “Unsettle Me” prayer got a sister questioning her whole entire existence! Sorry, that no longer was a whisper, but hello! How can I stay silent? I WAS MADE FOR MORE!
My beautiful and creative (wink) bio says it: I am, Unapologetically, Re|defined || Abba’s Girl || Wife ⚓️ || Mama || Writer || Blogger || Moment Capturer & Memory Maker.
Still, this beautiful creative prayed the prayer, “Unsettle Me,” and just like that, all the things listed above are second to what God is pointing out in me. He whispers, just like the gentleman He is, “I love this. I love all that your life has surrendered. I love it, I do. Your creative bio; beautiful. But, um… Mo? I want your heart. Not the broken one. That one is tended to and has served it’s purpose. I mean this new one.” (Insert MIND BLOWN, PLEASE.) “What do you mean you want my heart, Lord? We’re talking 20 years ago I gave you my heart. Remember? That one youth camp? I said “Jesus, for real this time.” Remember?!” And God said, “I want to create in you a clean heart.”
I mean, that alone can preach a 6 week sermon, but what God is asking is a result of my audacious prayer: “Lord, Unsettle Me.”
It isn’t enough to detox and go back to the habits of old. I need to LIVE detoxed. It isn’t wisdom to survive heart break and return the frail and vulnerable muscle into a weak and insecure foundation. My temple needs to live up to the conditions and requirements of the call. I need to LIVE with a heart pure enough to take me where He’s leading.
My heart; the physical beating heart in my chest, needs the attention and nourishment in order to take me where only with closed eyes, I can see at the moment.
The “Unsettle Me” prayer, has not only had me laid up in bed with body alignments only prayers and food medicine could cure, it’s had me shedding light on all the infected areas of my heart that without a proper cleansing can rob me from my latter years’ freedom. Who has time to waste reliving old patterns, sicknesses and disappointments?
I am on a journey and it’s requiring all of me. This includes my health.
I am completely “UNSETTLED,” and it WON’T settle till I fully surrender.
“Create in me a clean heart, O God. And renew a right spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10