Pleasantly Not So…

One of my favorite movies of all time is, Pleasantville! *Warning… Spoiler Alert! 

This movie depicts the life of 90’s brother and sister being zapped back into a more simpler and pleasant time; the 50’s! 

Thing is, here in Pleasantville, no one was aware they’d been living their lives passionless, with no imagination and no real sense of artistry. They were living in black and white. In the literal sense.

Meanwhile, David is all about this life! Simple. Easy. Predictive. Jennifer… eh, not so much. She goes about doing her, not realizing her doses of reality are beginning to unexpectedly bring a little color to this dull town. 

I remember when the metamorphosis happened for me. I’d been living as a grown woman, in the basement of my mom’s house, with no real purpose anymore. All that I had known was lost. I don’t say this in a pathetic, loose way. I say this boldly. All I had known was entirely lost. I was lost. 

I’ve been called a lot of things. Some good, some bad, but whatever… one of my favorite HAS to be “free spirited.” Ahhh… I like this one! 

free spir·it // frē ˈspirit- an independent or uninhibited person. “they raised their children to be free spirits.” THANK YOU GOOGLE! I mean, with a sample sentence like that, I think I’m on to something! 

un·in·hib·it·ed // ˌənənˈhibədəd/- expressing one’s feelings or thoughts unselfconsciously and without restraint.


As a free spirited woman, allow me to share uninhabited feelings, shall we…

I know what life in black and white looks like. The role of a 50’s sitcom wife, mom, and ministry leader… oblivious to a world I had never known. I watched it. It zoomed passed me; this life in color. I saw it, but was entirely too hidden to allow it to touch me; color. When all you’ve known is painted in black and white, you can’t be blamed for this. I say that audaciously and full of confidence (in my Wonder Woman, from the Amazon, puffed out chest, with my hand on my hip, pose). 

And then one day, after being what felt like asleep, my eyes opened. Who I had become wasn’t who I still wanted to be. It was when I lost it all, I decided what I was no longer willing to forfeit; my soul. 

I could see! 

I saw music and dancing. I saw dreams come to life and discovered love stories DO exist. I saw babies being born and teenagers grow up. I saw heartbreak brand new and transitions from this world to the next. I saw beautiful things all around me. I saw my children… // pause *tear. I SAW my children… I saw me; I saw Love. 

What I’ve seen, I could never unsee again. So, what did I do? I flew! 

I. Am. Flying.

It’s only been five short years that I’ve stepped out of Plesantville into Pandora. It rains here in Pandora as well, friends. There are storms and there are thieves who live here too. 

However, for the beauty of living life in color, I will never trade my limited gloomy days in Pandora for a lifetime of days in Pleasantville. I love my life of color. 

It’s mine. 

#AMinWMo: Black and white is okay too. Truly. I had some real beautiful moments once upon a time. Question: Why simply look pretty floating, when you can fly and live… in color? 

#BigGirlRant: You can’t LIVE someone else’s life, boo. Only yours. Only how YOU could. Stop scrolling, filling your head with a bunch of “I wish’s.” Be your kind of beautiful and stop falling short being someone else’s!

Love & light, 


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