On March 14th, 2020 I wrote a blog: “The Great Interrupt.” It’s my reference to what I like to call life’s “Forced Pause” aka Pandemic 2020. Today is July 28th, 2021… And guess what? Life is good.
One year and four months from the start of my quest to self healing and I have got to say, “Thank You, Jesus!”
I don’t think I can fully articulate what my forced pause did for me, but I will say… it’s been kind of everything. I just stopped. I stopped juggling the 15 thousand spinning- at the same time, plates. I stopped the intrusive, volatile chatter in my head. I stopped showing up. I stopped fighting. I am almost positive, this was the first time I allowed my self to go thru the process; the process of “fill in the blank.”
Year 2020 was the year of “so much promise.” Remember that? Remember how it was the year set to align our 20/20 vision? Great play on words, right? And guess what? I was here for it! I was determined to. see. clearer! And wouldn’t you know it? God, for me, did JUST THAT. Oh, how I saw. I saw everything that was, all that had become of me and how I couldn’t go another year doing it, THIS WAY. I was tired.
When you think of me, I am almost positive you consider my highlighted reel on instagram. I am mom, who loves Jesus, that takes pics, that loves and supports her friends, who is dedicated to about 5 different non-profits and who homeschools. What you don’t see on my highlighted reel is how I suffered from severe anxiety, how months of my life have been struck by paralysis type depression, how having had stomach surgery jolted my entire health journey, how displaced I felt in my own family and how my creativity had become both my passion and my vice. What you didn’t see was that even as an Advanced Biblical Counselor, I too needed my own counseling sessions and continue to do so.
All these things above are true about me, but the best part is that ISN’T all there is. I am so many really cool things outside of what’s mentioned above and maybe someday I’ll go through the list of my awesomeness but not today. Lol. Today, I want to highlight how because of my forced pause, I can accept all that’s mentioned above for what it really is and what it has meant to me.
It has meant, just because I can do a lot of things, doesn’t mean I should. It means that I can still do scary things, like homeschool my kids and continue my education (kicking and screaming half the time) simultaneously. It also means I can continue to do the hard work of healing while very much living in full consciousness. And It means that because I have a pulse, God is still working it out for my good, because He is so good.
I don’t know what our forced pause/pandemic meant for you, friend but whatever the case, you can pause right now and reconsider. Ask yourself the hard questions. Are you happy where you are? Are you happy with what you’re doing and who you are doing it with? Are YOU living your best life? If the answer to your questions are no, then what will you do about it? If the answer is no, why not try starting at the last thing you heard God say? What was the last thing He told you to do and then do that.
This here is a toast to my post paused life. I am happy to report I selah more often, exhale deep belly breathes, pursue my walk with the Lord harder, all while enjoying the view from my regulated state consciousness. I am also happy to report, I didn’t pick back up all the plates I’ve been spinning. Soon, I will let the spinning of some run their course without any assistance from me while juggling others again with new found passion. It’s been a process and I am thankful for the year in a half I have had to reflect on the details of it all.
Cheers, my friends! May the peace of God in our new season be as everything to you as my welcoming the second half of my life has meant for me.