It Hits Different

I can’t help but to begin this blog post with so much love and affection; gratitude to the Most High for this exact moment in time.

Today, as I watched my first born scurry looking for his #2 pencils, ticket in one hand, a sweater in the other— off he left. Out the front door, into yet another one of his “first times.”

My Zechariah Samuel is off to take his SAT’s. Alright, alright… I know, I know. To many a quick response is “what’s the big deal?” “Your kid’s never taken a test before?” My quick response to that is, “Well, no. Not like this.”

Our journey into homeschool didn’t come without a price. My son traded what he knew, what was familiar for a season his mother only had God to trust and faith she knew what she was doing. And friends, the latter was everything but the truth. I did NOT know what I was doing. But he was right about the first thing, the most important thing… I trusted God.

I didn’t pull my kids out of traditional school without first asking them how and what they felt. I have etched in my brain that exact moment when my first born said, “mom, whatever you think is best, that’s what I’ll do.” (Get back in there, tear!)

Why did that mean so much? Because I didn’t know what I was doing but what I did know was that he’d be trading school friends, traditional events like prom, homecoming, a full on high school experience, and the one that still gets me, his heart as a teenage boy: sports. I presented my tug from the Lord Himself, (clearly it HAD to come from Him and not my inadequate self to homeschool) to Zech and he accepted. Full trust, just a easy “whatever you want, mom.”

To be fair, they weren’t in the thick of it. By this time, the pandemic had already hit. We were already doing school online and he wasn’t missing much already. He’d only been in traditional school the first half of his high school track and what many don’t know was that he completed his first season of jr varsity basketball, playing varsity and was awarded MVP. This is HUGE!

So, yes. To say that his accepting the invitation for me to be his now, homeschool teacher, it just hit different. My son, an AP student, athlete, the kind of curly headed young man only a mama could love (jk, not really, his hair is an anomaly, lol) was trusting ME to lead him in THIS way and man, was I humbled. I didn’t and won’t ever take for granted my son trusting me in THIS.

Fast forward to August, 2021, Washington DC. It was thee greatest pride to date placing a medal of recognition around Zech’s neck. This medal welcomed him into the National Society of High School Scholars, as one of its nominees to members. NSHSS recognizes and supports young scholars for their academic achievements as well as service to their local community. Someone somewhere, recognized his resilience from traditional school to homeschool, maintaining a stellar GPA and thought, “this kid, he’s something special.” Well, it’s what I’d like to believe, lol, nonetheless a ghost supporter nominated him, and there we were. Several months later, at our Nation’s Capital, a room full of scholars, surrounded by those who love them and see them; there I was, this incredibly insecure momma, helping raise this young man, praising God He sees me too! :’)

To say that up to that date, I was functioning from an affirmation deficit would be an understatement. I survived my first year of homeschooling but not without the insomnia, anxiety, uncontrollable bouts of tears and fear, severe insecurity attacks; self provoked might I add. Well, not me, me. The enemy in my ear, me. I made it out my first year of teaching, as did many teachers around the planet functioning from insecurities of teaching through a pandemic, bear. crawling. However I got through, (thank you Holy Spirit) I got through. And this moment in time, this moment right here, as I celebrated my son, I smiled at me too. :’) I heard right. I was obedient in the scary. I sacrificed my “once they are all in school, I’m good!” fantasy and traded it for what I know without a shadow of a doubt is an upgrade. Now, I’m living out #MyChildrenMyMission on a whole new level, and guess what God says that I am… I am qualified. I am exactly where I am supposed to be, doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing and I get to do it with them! My three hearts, my children; my mission.

God knew exactly what I needed at the time I needed it. So, yes. Zech’s invitation to the beautiful society of NSHSS was too a forehead kiss from God to me. I am seen ya’ll and I am doing my very best and that is more than enough!

This morning my first born is taking his SAT’s. And guess what? It hit different. This is what I was born to do. See them, front row center always and forever. And in this moment in time, it’s what he was born to do. Pero, let’s not get it twisted! I am more than just mom too. I am daughter of the MOST HIGH, which makes me good at a lot of things. Lol! BUT, on days like these I am so proud to call my first born, my Zechariah Samuel, MY SON. Because he really does make me proud.

In a world where children are stripped from freedoms like education, forced into unimaginable things, and in many, many cases not ever given an opportunity to enhance in any way, we can all benefit from gratitude. On a day like today, where the world is literally hurting, losing lives and refugees/ humans suffering, if you can’t find anything to be hopeful in, praise God for the gift of being born on this side of the planet. This seemingly small thing like SAT’s is a huge thing for a good portion of the world with little to no education at all. — That’s another blog post.

And we’ll, look at God. As an update, my son is still in sports (hallelujah!). Your girl is still homeschooling. Zamaris graduated 8th grade and is starting HS. Zuriel is a proud 2nd grader, oh and I’m coaching his soccer team (prayers welcomed)!

A very happy and safe back to school year, friends! May it be all that is in our ability to make it be; great because YOU’RE great!

Still out here,

– Mo

2 thoughts on “It Hits Different

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